Monday, January 08, 2007


(Also known as, "While Vi slumbers, Part III")

Well, that's a nice pool of diarrhea on my stairs. I wonder what drunken reveler from the Lincoln Avenue bars decided to use the entrance to my home as a toilet. All I know is that I'll have to clean it up. This happens four or five times a year. The rest of the year it's urine all over the walls and into the windows.

I sat down with Vi Daley to talk about the problems in 2005. I was very friendly.

I simply asked her for some support, that's all. One little meetng. I asked her for some help in getting additional trash cans on the street (she said it would cost too much), getting the alley blocked off on weekend nights (she said it would be a fire hazard), getting better lighting in the alley (she mumbled something about doing it and never did), trying to keep the kids from using it as a toilet (she said there was nothing she could do about it), getting a couple more cops onto the detail (pled poverty), and fixing the traffic problem (more mumbling).

Since that time, three of my apartment windows have been smashed, all by drunks on Friday and Saturday nights. My friend across the street has had his plate-glass window smashed, by another drunk. And every weekend night it's urine, garbage, feces, yelling, screaming, vomit.

I didn't come to Vi Daley to vote the block dry. I didn't come to her to whine about all of the trash on the street, or about the weekly urination festivals. I didn't come to lambaste her and then walk away and expect her to do all the work. I came as a concerned and proactive resident willing to do something for the block. I simply asked, very nicely, for her help. And she simply stared at me in disbelief.

How has she acted to correct the problems? She hasn't lifted a finger.

But she did choose to levy an additional tax on residents and let the chamber of commerce decide what to do with the $150,000 every year. No real meeting of the minds was ever held regarding this tax. In fact, the residents seemed to be saying "no" to the tax. And when I came to the commissioners to ask for a few hundred dollars to help replace my neighbor's plate-glass window, they turned their backs on us and decided to discuss $800 flowerpots instead, the same flowerpots that we told them long ago that we didn't want.

(Part I)
(Part II)
(Tax hypocrisy)


Anonymous Anonymous said...


That's a little edgier. Now, this coming weekend, all you'll need to do is get a video camera, shoot some pissing or crapping footage, edit it up a bit with Windows Movie Maker, add some snarky titles and transitions, and viola!

Instant edginess.

Our invoice is in the mail.

1:54 AM  
Blogger Peter Zelchenko said...

You have my eternal thanks, and in retrospect I'd also like to thank the person who crapped, for presenting me with the timely opportunity to be edgier.

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rumor on the street has it that the shit is yours!

7:34 AM  
Blogger Hugh said...

one of your neighbors needs more roughage in their diet

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just curious - You vehemently oppsose the SSA, but bitch about all the problems the "drunks" cause you. BTW, 15-20 rats caught by you on your property as stated last night (o1/11/07)- I say you are worse than the bars!!!

11:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this the first time in the history of our young republic that a candidate for a major public office has used a photograph of human feces as part of a political campaign? We are in the presence of something quite historic: Let's really put this in the record books, and elect this guy!

2:33 PM  
Blogger Craig Gernhardt said...

Hugh, You really need to get new material.

Oh, and Peter, I see you took a page out of my play book!

How's the campaign going?

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Remember when Lincoln Park was known widely as a respectable and cool neighborhood, a leading light in America's historic neighborhood restoration boom?

Now the phrase "Lincoln Park" conjures images like the one that you posted.

What happened?

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude, you have some interesting ideas and are a benefit to the community but you can't get elected by complaining about getting shit on, and you REALLY can't get elected by publishing disgusting photos of watery feces.

You should depersoanalize and talk about what benefits the Ward, without complaining about what happens to your personal property, or how you get dissed, and please, please, have enough respect for your fellow citizens to accept the fact that they don't need to see a picture of feces to understand what it is, and what exactly a particular BM looks like when it gets dropped on your stairs.

4:33 AM  
Blogger The North Coast said...

Well, I'm glad to know it isn't just us denizens of Rogers Park who have to put up with human waste being deposited in inappropriate public places.

You have my complete sympathy. For, while we encounter it on Morse Ave. on weekend mornings and at the wretched Jarvis el stop all the time, we mostly don't have to deal with it in the good apt. buildings like mine and on the front steps of homes.

Sounds like we need to dump ALL of our AlderCretins this Tuesday. We sure as hell hope we can unload the Mooron up here, and we wish you luck in unburdening yourself of the substanceless Vi Daley. You have a beautiful neighborhood that shouldn't be so difficult to run- Daley should be causing both the incontinent revelers and the bars that harbor them to feel considerable pain in the back pocket. The worst offenders should get their liquor licenses revoked, as used to happen in your area when I lived in the 44th.

Get rid of this blasted woman before you get worse things dumped on you.

11:59 PM  

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